I recently joined a recreational group here in town. A group which requires a snarky moniker. Now, I had been a member of a similar group in Florida, and as coming up with a good moniker is extremely anxiety-inducing for me, I decided to keep my former name. All is good, yes?
Well, it seems there may be a problem. My name may or may not be rated-PG 13. My former group did not have a problem with this, but it seems the group here does. There is talk of censoring my name, at least for certain purposes/places/times. I do get their reasoning, although I think it’s blown a little out of proportion, especially considering the nature of the group and the point of having a funny alter-ego with multiple meanings. And yes, we are supposedly in the Bible belt, but Bloomington is an oasis of awesomeness. (Miss Gay IU? The Kinsey Institute?)
The problem seems to be with the crown jewel of my name, “Fingerbang.” I could probably change it to Anita Nailer, or Anita Boner, and it would retain some of the same meanings, but in the most important sense- in terms of the exact reason that I picked said name, it would become meaningless. It is that which makes it subversive that I love.
And it seems to me that the whole point of said group is to be subversive. To empower women. To show women that we can do anything, to break boundaries, to break taboos. i.e. the creation of alter-egos! It seems to me that censoring a name is antithetical to the mission of the group. And as long as a member can give a rational explanation with some measure of passion that goes beyond simply being explicit for shock value, the name should stand as is.
Who knows how this will all turn out. It looks like this issue will be voted on, or at least debated, at an upcoming meeting. As my role in the group is of a certain kind, I am not even sure if I will be allotted a vote. I am not even sure if I’m supposed to know that it’s a controversy at this point. It’s all very hush-hush.
It’s all this talk of censoring my name that’s making me feel creepy. Like I should be ashamed. Like I should second-guess myself. If they are thinking of censoring my name, the implication is that they are embarrassed by my name. And that implies that they are embarrassed by me. And that’s definitely not empowering or good for group morale. And all of that is what I am completely against. So to fight this feeling, I am recording my thoughts here on why I picked the name and what it means to me.
Yes, it does have a sexual reference, and that makes it kind of funny, but that is not the primary reason for the pick, nor what I plan to emphasize.
Who says the word, fingerbang? Primarily juvenile boys aged 12 to 14. And 30 year-old men with the sense of humor of boys aged 12 to 14. (Obviously, I am secretly a 12 year-old boy because I include myself in this group.)
It’s not a lesbian thing at all. Lesbians as a general rule do not say fingerbang! Adults do not say fingerbang. Seventh-grade boys do. And no one says it with a straight face. It is funny precisely because of its juvenile quality. It’s inherently innocuous! It’s inherently cheeky!
But at the same time, it’s taboo. Which is why it’s funny when people do say it. They can feel like they’re being crazy and breaking a rule.
The point is to force myself to be ridiculous. When I introduce myself to someone as “Anita Fingerbang,” I can’t help but laugh, and that makes the other person laugh. Me being ridiculous means that the other person is free to be ridiculous without any judgment. Without any taboo. I have already broken the boundary.
The point is not to highlight sexuality, but to subvert the system. To help people open their eyes to their preconceived notions about propriety. Why we stop ourselves from doing or saying perfectly ok things because of fear. Fear of being judged, embarrassed, laughed at. Well, here’s the kicker kiddos- you are only judged if you accept their sentence, embarrassed if you let them embarrass you, and laughed at only if you aren’t laughing at yourself as well.
My goal is to remove all fear. Go ahead and act a fool, be a complete dork. You know what’s going to happen? Nothing. You show people that it’s ok to laugh with you and they will. You put people at ease, you make friends, and you become free. When you let yourself completely fall, you bounce. And it’s the bouncing that’s fun. The knowing that you are going to be saved.
Or maybe I’m just an effing philosophical anarchist with a heart. And I get that I will always be way left of center, and that there will always be people with whom I fundamentally don’t agree. People who will always think I am out of line. That comes with the territory, with being me. With continually pushing the boundaries. The key is to learn all this, to know it, and to do it anyway.
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as per the MPAA,
"A PG-13 rating is a sterner warning by the Rating Board to parents to determine whether their children under age 13 should view the motion picture, as some material might not be suited for them. A PG-13 motion picture may go beyond the PG rating in theme, violence, nudity, sensuality, language, adult activities or other elements, but does not reach the restricted R category. The theme of the motion picture by itself will not result in a rating greater than PG-13, although depictions of activities related to a mature theme may result in a restricted rating for the motion picture. Any drug use will initially require at least a PG-13 rating. More than brief nudity will require at least a PG-13 rating, but such nudity in a PG-13 rated motion picture generally will not be sexually oriented. There may be depictions of violence in a PG-13 movie, but generally not both realistic and extreme or persistent violence. A motion picture’s single use of one of the harsher sexually-derived words, though only as an expletive, initially requires at least a PG-13 rating. More than one such expletive requires an R rating, as must even one of those words used in a sexual context. The Rating Board nevertheless may rate such a motion picture PG-13 if, based on a special vote by a two-thirds majority, the Raters feel that most American parents would believe that a PG-13 rating is appropriate because of the context or manner in which the words are used or because the use of those words in the motion picture is inconspicuous."
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