alien

my problems, they follow me. no matter how much i run. no matter how hard i try to lose them. they are always with me, always right behind me. sneaking up on me when i think i'm safe. when i've ignored them too long.
i ran to the west coast. i ran to the gulf. i ran back home, my tail between my legs. and still, they followed me. they were with me in each place.
i know the problem is something so simple, yet, so intrinsic it leaves me hopeless.
the only freedom i feel, the only clean air i breathe, is when i am in the middle of running. not when i am in one place or another, but when i am placeless. when i am completely unclaimed.
i don't know how to fix this. i fear it will go on forever. my greatest fear is that i am irreversibly broken.
and in these hopeless moments i yearn for invisibility. make me invisible. make me invisible. let me sink into the background, everyone forgetting.

in the words of franz wright:

a strangerness
that will always be with him
sometimes cruel and often funny
scared to death every so often
for days on end