So.
Back to the beginning, in so many ways. Starting a new cycle, a new year. Coming back to focus. I think the key is to not be scared of it. To know that I oscillate in a regular pattern. This isn’t something new. This is part of the experience of being me.
This time around I am focusing on derby. On getting better, stronger, each time I skate. To make some kind of improvement that I can feel. To continually best myself.
At the same time I am trying not to think about how others are doing. Trying not to measure myself against the accomplishments of other people. It is so hard to do. It is so hard not to fall in love with the idea of being one of the best. A leader. But I am trying. Trying not to seduce myself.
I am trying to not think about belonging to or being in allegiance with one person, one individual. I’m trying to think about the group, the general. The larger. I’m trying to be strong. To not be needy. And I think I’ve got just enough reserves left to fake it ‘til I make it. So here we go…
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sometimes it's warm at the bottom
don't parse the blurb, dear
former librarian, nudist, and vegan, perpetual student, and failed truck driver, a.r. smith is the author of lots of little dittys in her head. part fiction, part memoir, part rant, more than anything, this blog is about hitting bottom and coming home. giving up hope, and gaining freedom. trying to carve out a little breathing room. becomming fearless.
she lives in the Hoosier state with her dog, Hustler, who continues every morning to wake her with a smoosh to the face and a bright shiny lick to the nose.
she lives in the Hoosier state with her dog, Hustler, who continues every morning to wake her with a smoosh to the face and a bright shiny lick to the nose.
1 comment:
Good luck!
btw... my word verification is "mounders" I don't know what that means but it must mean somethign right?
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