taking out the garbage

The thing they never tell you about Miami- Carl Hiaasen, Dexter, CSI- is it’s all true. It’s all. Fucking. True.
They don’t like to advertise it on the travel sites. Welcome to sunny Miami! You’re about to get fucked by a major metro area.
They don’t tell you on Miamiandbeaches.com about how two years ago there was a string of killings in the summer heat. Three people were attacked by alligators in their apartment complexes. Home sweet home. Women jogging around the man-made lakes with their center-placed fountains. And a former resident of the Everglades wants to play nature. He’s just hungry. He’s just doing what he’s supposed to. You did drain his home after all, pave over it with these gawdawful strip-malls.
One of the victims was a man jogging with his dog. The dog attacked the gator and his owner got away. The dog didn’t. Man’s best friend.
But the thing about Florida, the entire bottom half of the state is only a couple feet above sea level. In order to build roads they have to take ground from somewhere else. Even the earth gets displaced. Try driving along the highways, any major road, and you’re going to see never ending drainage ditches following along side. People like to call these drainage ditches, they call them “canals.” I suppose living next to a “canal” makes people feel better. Better than “open-faced sewer.” With alligators. So maybe the next time you’re on 595 and you’re car breaks down, maybe next time you don’t get out of the car. Maybe you just sit tight.